Month 7.5: Worse

The last two weeks feel worse than before! Oh joy, the senselessness
of reinoculation, with nothing to guide one into the great unknown…

POSITIVES: can’t think of any; oh wait..I look good!

NEGATIVES:
*Nausea, slight dizziness, mild arthritis (it’s like a slot machine.
Two minute aches in my ring finger; 1 hour later my ankle hurts; jumps
to my hips…it’s kind of interesting, if I weren’t scared constantly
that I’ve ruined efficacy forever)
*loose stools/diarrhea; about 4 X a day
*mucus (I’m counting this as one of the bowel movements)
*minor pain in colon and anus
*yeast sores trying to emerge in corners of mouth (back, foul yeasts!)
*had night sweats for 3 days around my initiation of menses (this is
now happening monthly, though usually for only 1 night)
*energy is low, naps necessary, sleeping until 7 or 8 after going to
bed at 9 (How I miss the dawn.)
*mild neuropathy (this is accentuated with marijuana, but then the
nausea’s appeased. Nausea or nueropathy? The hourly choice.)
*I’ve gone back on SCD (more depressing than efficacious so far, but
I’ve stopped going D in the night)
*fear, paranoia, worry, with the prevailing theme: “have I ruined it
all with reinoculation?”

Yes, I know I should go out in the garden and gaze longingly at my 2000 juicy plums and
apricots lying lustily before my depraved eyes…oh, glory in the joys
of summer, when again, for the 3rd year in a row, I am prohibited from
digging in or I’ll get diarrhea.

Perhaps I should invent a plum salve, so I could just rub my body in
sweet perfection?

The worms worked before, they should work again…my new mantra. The
battle is being fought, and my bet is my immune system loses. I have
never had such love and hope for such ugly little creatures. I can
pet my belly and talk to them now; please, little Necators, suck on me
sweetly and regulate my T cells…soon?

Boldly going where no woman with Crohn’s disease has gone
before…back to bed.