I really hope I’m just fighting the flu. But after 3 weeks, I’m starting to doubt.
My bowel movements have gotten looser. I’m having more mucus between and before them. For the last 2 weeks, I’ve just felt nauseous, and haven’t had much appetite. I’ve had night sweats for the last 4 nights. My daughter has a cold and a slight cough, so maybe that’s contributing?
The nueropathic symptoms have come back. Kind of negates the whole iron theory, as the last iron shot was in late April. I also found a journal entry with similar syptoms while on Remicade. At the time, I was trying to go back on sulfasalazine, and thought it was from that. The second time, I was on LDN and sulfa and had a rash. The sulfa seemed the culprit. The third time was last year, while on hookworms receiving iron shots. This year, it happened just after dosing with hookworms and then iron shots as well. I’m wondering too if it isn’t malnutrition – low magnesium from the years of chronic diarrhea. I sat with my doctor yesterday and we theorized that perhaps I’m just malnourished, so when it’s hot and I sweat, I dip below the threshold. The only way to know my true magnesium levels is to take a muscle biopsy, he said. We both looked at each other and I said, “No thanks. I think I’ll just take magnesium supplements and see…”
I did an egg count last week, just in case the regression was from losing worms, but I got 1050 epg again, steady as the last 2 counts, so no decline in egg production. Can’t blame that.
The absolute unknown about this therapy has taken its toll. How long will the effects last? Is it related to worm burden? Are the good effects temporary? Does one require a boost every so often? Yearly? Every 6 months? Would more worms make me better or worse right now? I have absolutely no idea, and am afraid to try.
Fear. It has taken its hold. I had another bout of insomnia over the weekend, and anxiety over other issues. My chest has tightened. My heart starts racing. I cannot sleep. The memory of illness is so recent, it hangs like a specter over my heart. If I dip down into those symptoms again – if the hookworms stop working, all I have left is Tysabri. If I get sick like last year, or the year before, I’d rather die than go through that again. But I have children, so I can’t commit suicide. They’d rather have me here, even if I’m bedridden.
I’ve given in and am joining the ranks of the medicated. Yesterday, I started Lexipro, an SSRI that is used for anxiety and depression. I wish the worms were enough, but they’re not. So I’m hoping this medication can take an edge off of my chronic fear. I just want to feel well again. I want to be well for longer than a few months. I want to know if this therapy is going to work long term for me. I want to be on good terms with everyone doing this. My strength is crumbling and I cry at any provocation, I feel so weak, I cannot carry the torch of this much longer.
The CBS interview makes it seem like trying hookworms is so easy. No one knows that Scott lost his worms somehow and redosed with 25, the same number he had originally, and couldn’t take the side effects and terminated. 25 was probably too high for his sensitivity, but he’s afraid of trying hookworms again. And that I got edema and reactive arthritis with my first dose of 10, but redosing was easy. But now I’m regressing, and the video goes on.
It’s why I hate testimonials. Having a story out there circulating about my wellness, when I am no longer well, without being able to update it at any time. People are trying this because of me, and looking towards my experience, learning from it. Sometimes I think I should have stayed silent and published this blog 3 years into the experience, so I’d know for sure what path these worms had for me.
But I’m here, waiting. I really hope it’s just the flu. I guess another few weeks will tell. Hopefully by then, the Lexipro will kick in, and I can decide what to do next without such a heavy heart. I just want to be well forever.
Post a Comment