Nothing’s Working

Well, the fecal transfusion failed to keep my CRP down.  Last time I checked, a week ago, it was 16.   And things are worse now, so I’m sure it’s even higher.  I don’t blame the fecal transfusions, since before, when I tried to come off antibiotics, I only made it 5 days without it descending into mushy stools and nighttime trips to the bathroom.   The interesting thing is I’m still having formed stools and almost no mucus, but what’s scaring me is a weird pain that feels right under my vagina, and a very full and inflamed feeling rectum.  I ignored too many symptoms last Fall waiting for the worms to work and ended up with 3 abscesses, and I don’t want to go down that route again

So today, relucantly, I go back on antibiotics, and I guess I’ll never see what the hookworms that reside in me are going to do.

I’m going through the hoops to try Prochymal.  I have a nurse today (that I’m going to cancel) come show me how to do Cimzia.  I think I’d rather try stem cells then another biologic, since Humira only made me worse.

I went to a new naturopathic MD, Dr. Cowan in San Francisco.  He has a protocol of supplements and drugs (all of which I’ve tried), including LDN, GAPS diet, fermented turmeric, boswellia, s. boulardii, e. coli Nissle, and Biokult.  I started 3 mg. of LDN two nights ago, couldn’t sleep the first night and felt a little happier yesterday, last night was fine, no side effects.  I tried LDN in the past, got it wrongly compounded, switched to Skip’s pharmacy and seemed to get better, then I broke out in a weird rash all across my butt, it was thought I was allergic to sulfasalazine so I stopped that, made a yogurt making mistake, and flared miserably.  So I came off the LDN to go on Prednisone.  I tried it again later and it didn’t seem to help.  But I’m always open to trying things a third time, even if I’m despondent about it.

He took one look in my mouth and said, “I don’t think you’re capable of fully healing with how many amalgams you have in your mouth.”  I have 7: 3 of which are huge. I’m pretty sure they were all put in the year I got Crohn’s, so it’s always been there on the back of my mind that mercury poisining is contributing to the Crohn’s.  The interesting tidbit is I always itch when I wear anything other then gold in my ears.  If  a closed wound reacts to metals, imagine what my body does to mercury vapors coming out constantly when I breathe and chew?

It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for 13 years, but I was either nursing or pregnant, or too poor.  I thought I was going to get a refund from AIT in the middle of March, but I have no idea if this is still happening.  It will help pay the $5400 it will cost to get all of the mercury replaced with composites, but the trips to SF twice a week will add up fast, especially as we currently have no car.   I’m supposed to go up to San Francisco twice a week to start the detox process.  Whether or not it will make any difference remains to be seen, but Dr. Cowan told me to expect that it will take 3 years to fully rid myself of the mercury.  I guess I won’t be having another child.

To say I am disappointed in worm therapy and everything else is a huge understatement.  I still think the right combination of worms will help me, but how the hell do I get them into me without a severe reaction?  And why is my body now churning out anal abscesses when it never has before except the first time I was diagnosed with Crohns?  Why am I now dependant on antibiotics, and need something like Cimzia or Prochymal just to get me off of them?

I love reading success stories.  And I’m insanely jealous of those with almost no side effects.  If that were me, I would redose in a heartbeat.  But the side effects from TSO were so severe, even 60 mg. of prednisone didn’t curtail the flare for days, and later, that’s when the abscesses formed, after coming off the pred.  I feel like it’s happening now in another location, so I go back on Augmentin full dose, and pray that it doesn’t cause some superbug that I will never get rid of.  I still plan on doing fecal tranfusion after coming off the antibiotics again, since we’ve got the hang of it and it’s no big deal anymore.  And the best way I know to restore the colonic bacteria.

I have to have a CRP > 5 and a CDAI over 250 to qualify for Prochymal.  I’ll also have to do a CT scan, which I hate, since I already had 2 this year.  But it seems like a way to temporarily alter the immune response, heal tissue, etc.  My UCSF GI has one patient who was in the earlier trials who failed Humira and Tysabri, who is now in remission 2 years later and considers herself “cured”.  I’ve also read threads on healingwelll that say it only lasted 3 months, but I’m really just buying time to get through the initial mercury detoxification, and perhaps redose with worms, have the LDN have a few months under my belt, and see if the e.coli Nissle + diet can make any difference.

I’m losing weight, which I hate.  My formerly lovely 165 self is down to 150 and I look skinny.  A diet of broth and soup isn’t helping.  Dr Cowan wanted me to go back on the intro diet for GAPS for 3 days, then do stage 2 for 3-7 days, etc.  The antibiotics will probably make me nauseous again, which is a plus when you’re not really thrilled about your food.  My daughter’s birthday was yesterday, and I watched my family enjoy a pizza, flourless chocolate cake, and coconut ice cream, while I ate my 6th bowl of the same beef stew and felt the strange pain forming under my vagina in my rectum, and thought of everything I’ve tried and failed over.  I woke up in the middle of the night, since my daughter slept with me and I didn’t want to show her my misery, and cried and cried at everything that hasn’t worked.  And then went back to sleep and dreamed, forgetting my pain for a little while.

Oh well.  I carry on.  We went to the SPCA yesterday to find a puppy.  There was one that was perfect; an Australian sheppard mix who was so friendly.  When we asked to see her, we were told she was on a 24 hour hold and was going to be adopted tomorrow.  All of the other dogs were either chiuauas or golden retrievers.  We did find a possible cute other one, but were told it was extremely shy, so wouldn’t fit in with our social lifestyle, with neighborhood kids coming and going all the time.  On the way home, my daughter cried and cried and said she’s giving up on finding a dog.  I told her that we had to keep trying, and reminded her of the little cross she once picked out with my mom when I was doing really badly.  It says “Never Give Up”, and when I’m crying at my extensive failures stacking on each other and still sick, she reminds me that I should never give up and some day I will be well.

It’s hard to believe after 24 years of disease.

What’s worse is being in remission for over 2 years on a small handful of worms, then going an entire year of redosing and getting worse and worse.  If they never had worked, it would have been easier.  I’d like to think the mercury amalgams are preventing my whole healing, but then why would the worms work for a while?  Why would I have been in remission in the past on diet alone?   I don’t have severe Crohn’s, I have moderately severe Crohns (as if that’s any better), but I thought if I just kept some worms in me, ate the right diet, and did a fecal tranfusion,  exercised, meditated, walked barefoot in my garden, etc, that I could approach some semblance of wellness.

So it’s back on the antibiotics, searching for “what’s next’.  In 2007, I had the choice of Procymal or worms.  I chose worms.  Now I’m having to choose Prochymal.  Oh well.

Never give up.

  1. Pen Name Mias’s avatar

    As long as you have a reason to live it’s worth fighting. Don’t forget the worms are nothing more than a scientific novelty. A panacea is always imaginary. We’re taking advantage of a novel behavior found in a creature related to insects.

    Sometimes it’s best to step back and look at the overall picture. Spread that hope no matter how small over a wide area but don’t let it die out.

  2. Helen Love’s avatar

    I’m sure you have a mutation, as in IL-10 deficient mice or something like that.
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19273626
    Maybe you could get your cytokines tested.

  3. Linda Hagar’s avatar

    I was wondering what was going on, so I finally read this. It broke my heart! I hope you feel better soon.

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