I need more worms, I assume, though my egg count hadn’t dropped by much last time I checked.  But these same symptoms happened after about 6 months from a dose last year.  This time, it’s been 8 months, last year I infected at month 7 before things got this bad.  Maybe next time I’ll be proactive and infect at month 5 or 6…I always have some bad reason for waiting.

And now, because of the FDA ruling on hookworms as a drug, I can’t talk about incubation.  I don’t have a level 2 lab, which means I’m not allowed to work with infectious organisms.  So I can’t discuss how tap water probably killed most of the first sample.  The excitement of seeing live organisms.  The frustration of trying to pick them up and losing them again.  All the dessicated and sad looking larvae.  The 3 I managed to pick up, and what I did with them. Decontamination techniques. What the hell those round, swimmy things are and should I be worried?  How nice it would be to share data with other worm farmers and not risk hefty fines or jail time!  As it is, the last paragraph was all a dream…

We scuttle together in the privacy of cell phone conversations.  We compare reactions, and try to make sense of it all.  We meet in private and learn from one another, scared that we will get caught.  Persecuted for daring to try to make ourselves well.  The Lowly worm, such long reaching consequences.  At least TSO will be in multi-center trials soon, and some few hundred people can try worms for free.  That data will be logged, published, and hopefully one day we will get pig whipworms under a prescription, know what dose to take, how often, and for how long.  Meanwhile, the hookworm trials crawl along, and the rest of us are left struggling with how to put the worm in our hands, and keep ourselves well.

I hastily try to reinfect before I have nothing to infect myself with.  But sshhh…

I’ve been asked to play bass guitar in a band who’s playing 5 Clash songs in two weeks.  I said yes, though I’m kind of rusty, and I feel like absolute shit.  Hoping that I can reinfect before then, so I won’t feel like throwing up or having urgent diarrhea during the set.  It feels pretty awesome playing “London Calling” until you have to rush to the bathroom with mucus in your underwear.  I’m tempted to tell the band,

“Hopefully I’ll get some hookworms in me before June 5th otherwise I’m not sure I can make it.”

As a female bassist, it would sound pretty bad-ass.   A hookworm rash would just add to the mystique.  It sucks having Crohn’s disease, you never feel like you can promise anything in the future because you have no idea how you’ll feel.  But I’m bold.  I said yes because I’ll be damned if this disease or this therapy gets in the way of my life.  I’ve had enough of that already.

There will be a few hundred people, and I HAVE TO feel better before then, and hookworms are all I’ve got.

I just wish I could talk about it all.  My blogging days are numbered.  We will have to wait for a cure in secret.  I’ve gotten in too much trouble already.  The last thing I need in my life is another rude email or a knock on my door.

“FDA.!  I hear you have an illegal lab.”

“I’m not selling anything.”

“You have the right to remain sick.  You have the right to an attorney to help explain to the judge and jury that you need to illegally breed an infectious nematode to keep your Crohn’s in remission.  Your doctor doesn’t sanction this.  Your provider’s already been run out of the country.  Prison food will make your Crohn’s worse.”

I’m getting too dramatic.  Got to go stir my potion.  And practice “Straight to Hell”, which some would imply is where I’m already headed.

My CRP has risen slightly, and my symptoms are a little worse, but it’s not from a declining worm burden. Now I’ve hit my PMS week and the anxiety is creeping back, despite the transdermal magnesium, and I have had trouble falling asleep the last few nights. I pick up more magnesium chloride today; I’ve been using the same foot soak for the last week since I ran out, don’t know if that makes a difference nor not. I’ve also had more twitching, a little dizziness, and pin pricks, so perhaps my minerals have dropped.

I think it’s time for returning to a better diet, and adding probiotics. I was going to add more hookworms, but now I’m wondering if that would help or hinder. I know I’ve only had 20 worms total, so there is room to add. Not sure if that makes things better, or where the point is that you have enough and you’re not going to do any better with more?

My GI said that doctors are getting increasingly skeptical about helminth therapy – not because of the science, but the practical application of them. UCSF was never in favor of AIT, and now with the latest two Nottingham trials that were not very positive, it looks like the excitement is falling. Especially as no one can get worms except for TSO now.

I just want to have consistent wellness and someone else figure this out for me. I wish I knew precisely what was going on, whether I do indeed have severe mineral defincies that are causing many of my problems, or if there is some neuropathway that the worms have altered that are causing anxiety, muscle twitching, and the rest.

Bone broth soups, transdermal magnesium, and hope. Vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. Wait for my period… What else can I do?

I’m going to do an egg count this week. Assuming it is the roughly the same as last time, I will hit 6 months from my last dose at the end of March. It may be that I infect every 6 months until I have enough worms to keep me well. I wonder if the infection itself is part of the solution? How many people have lasted beyond a year with relief? Is the number of worms critical? Do you reach a point that a certain number of worms = efficacy, then more becomes harmful?

Assuming I can get trichuris trichura, will that help? Since I have mostly colonic Crohn’s, would the whipworms be more efficacious to my rectal symptoms? Would the combination of hookworms and whipworms be more effective than hookworms or whipworms alone? How many whipworms then to add? What would be the side effect profile if one were infected with hookworms for 2 years already?

Too many unknowns. Too much to play with. The research is slow, and we are experimenting far outside of their perameters anyway. The celiac trial infected with 10 worms, then 5 a few months later. Who chose that number? The MS trial in Nottingham will infect with 25 worms at once. And no one is using trichuras trichura in research at all. The TSO you drink every 2 weeks.

Oh, what to do. I guess I’m lucky I have the hookworms at all to play with, assuming they’re still inside me, which I’m sure they are because of my symptoms. Just had a solid bowel movement, with no pain, after sleeping through the night (though I am having to wear panty liners now to catch the drip.)

I am just so sick of this experiment, I want to be fully well. But I’m working on being thankful for what I’ve got. The scientific spirit lives on, and I must keep experimenting on myself until I get as close to total wellness as I am able.

I still remember perfect health. I’ve got the body of an athlete, if only it is given a chance to right years of wrong. I may never achieve that, but I’ll be damned if I give up trying.

But I read about transdermal magnesium and first did a 1:1 ratio of magnesium sulfate (Epsom Salts ) to water, warmed it up until hot, then soaked my feet in it for 20 minutes.  That afternoon I didn’t have the racing heart I’d grown accustomed to every afternoon since January.  (and September – December)  I fell asleep that night without the necessary combo of 2 Benadryl, 3 mg. of melatonin, and Ambien.  The next day I bought some magnesium chloride from a vendor at the farmer’s market (none of my local health food stores carried it, though it can be found online.)  I tried to make “magnesium oil” but it stings when I put it on, so I prefer the foot bath. I cup of magnesium chloride to enough warm water to barely cover my feet.  I reuse it about 4 times, then dump it out and start again.  I also rub it on my face, legs, and arms while I’m soaking my feet.

I thought it was a fluke, so I’ve waited a week before reporting on it.  Now I’ve slept unaided every night since then, which is amazing considering I was back on Ambien since the second week of January, and fearing dependence and withdrawal.  I even have added back in marijuana and alcohol without ill effects, and the last few months it’s been causing worse insomnia and increased anxiety.  Woo hoo!  I’m feeling back to my normal, happy self, and it was as easy as a foot bath!

I’m due to get my period this week, so I should be a grumpy, nervous mess.  Even more proof it’s working.

I visited my psychiatrist only 9 days ago and she suggested the Celexa had “petered out” and I should add a low dose anti-psychotic that they use for depression that also helps with sleep.  I never got the name of it, I was too depressed.  What, 2 months on Celexa, with really only a few weeks of relief, and it had already stopped working?  I cried for a day, then had an enormous pie party to bake for (try inviting 71 people over for 21 pies made in 3 days when you’re suffering from “major depressive disorder” and anxiety.  I pulled it off, but I wish I had discovered the transdermal magnesium before that week.)

Now I get to focus on a trip to LA that was previously making me incredibly anxious (and now I’m getting excited about) and the Hookworm Incubation Project.  My Crohn’s symptoms are slowly coming back (more mucus, more bowel movements, a sore butt because of it), and I’m wondering if I just need a redose every 6 months or something.  I love the high, but I got a full 6 weeks of side effects last September, including neurological ones, so I’m not that keen.  I also need to do an egg count.

Hopefully I’ll manage both before we leave, and the little yogurt maker will be incubating away while we are out.  We have a secured, seperate locked room, so no animals or children can mess with the experiment.  I still feel paranoid about writing about it, but how else are we going to learn about it?

I won’t provide links to the transdermal magnesium, since it’s mostly testimonials, but I recommend anyone suffering from depression, anxiety, insomnia, muscle fascillations, charlie-horses, longstanding IBD, to soak your feet in hot liquid magnesium chloride or sulfate every night.  It’s a wonderful cure.

Worms and foot baths.  Highly recommended.

I tried 10 hookworms Dec. 17, 2007 for the first time.  I’ve had Crohn’s colitis for over 21 years, my symptoms before hookworms were:  weight 137   Night sweats nightly.  Went diarrhea at least 4 X in the night, another 4-6 times during the day.  Very painful, mostly all diarrhea or some soft, loose stools.  I had urgency so bad I wore adut diapers at night, otherwise I’d spew out onto the floor on the way to the bathroom.  My ileal-cecal valve was inflamed to the point of causing partial blockages almost nightly, very, very painful.

My ESR was 35 (normal <20) my CRP ranged from 5 -11 (normal < 0.5)  (These are blood markers of inflammation.)  I had constant acne, my hair was all broken off and greying, and I looked sick.  I was anemic, didn’t have much energy, and could only eat a few foods: SCD homemade yogurt, blended chicken soup, jello, bananas, onions (cooked), and everything else was suspect.  I was depressed, hopeless, and just plain sick.  I had tried all Crohn’s drugs, having just failing Humira, and all I had left was Tysabri, which wasn’t yet available.

The 10 hookworms caused: fever days 3-10 (or it was the flu), increased diarrhea during that time.  Edema in my ankles weeks 3-10, reactive arthritis in all joints during this time, and just a general up and down that I never knew to attribute to the Crohn’s, viruses, or the hookworms.  By week 3 the ileal pain receded.  By week 5 or so I started testing new foods and gaining weight.  By week 20, I was 150 pounds, and my CRP and ESR were normal, had very little bowel pain, and I was beginning to sleep through the night, and have 3-5 BM’s a day, ranging from soft to the occasional solid, to diarrhea, but the diarrhea was more related to foods than a general symptom.

But alas, I redosed by 2-3 worms every week between weeks 10-18 and this provoked an immune response that muddled the whole picture.  The last dose caused bad diarrhea that lasted for weeks, the joint pain came back, but muted, and as the months went on, I slowly got worse.  I started to develop weird neurological symptoms in the summer after a series of iron shots (still not known if they were related):  my hands went numb, tingling in my head, pin-pricks in my feet, dizziness.  This went away by October, after some dental work.  I found out in December that I had no worms.  I don’t know when they died, but in July, I still had some, so somewhere between July and December.  My symptoms just kept worsening, and by December, I wasn’t as bad as before I started, but I was getting there.

By February of 2009, my CRP and ESR were creeping back, and the night pain was back, along with night sweats, malaise, and I had lost more than half of my weight gain, and was back on SCD foods.  I redosed with 10 hookworm on February 2nd and felt a lift immediately.  I was “high” for about 5 days, then had a little up and down for the first few weeks, but by month 1, was so much better I was elated.  Night sweats gone, pain reduced almost to normal, and my ESR and CRP was normal again.

I continued to do well, up and down, but generally up.  I had more iron shots and experienced the neurological weirdness anew.  CRP and ESR were normal every month I checked.  My weight steadily climbed to 150 and stayed there.  I was able to eat a huge variety of new foods, but still reacted with diarrhea to certain things (Indian food, Chinese, high fiber, etc.).  I started to develop anxiety on a trip when I got insomnia, but it resolved when I got home.  But the next few months, when PMS’ing, I would get it again.

By the end of summer, I noticed my bowel symptoms slipping, and I was getting nauseous.  I did an egg count, and from the 6 month peak of 1050 epg, I had fallen to about 800 epg, which was expected (since they’re supposed to peak around 6 months.)  I tried Lexapro and the anxiety got worse.  I did another egg count and it had dropped a little more, so I redosed with 10 more hookworms the end of September.

This time, I got high for a week again, and got pregnant.  (Beware!) The next few weeks, I had diarrhea and the nueropathic symptoms returned (having faded to near nothing, and all tests, MRI and EKG’s normal, so it remains a mystery).  The pregnancy symptoms began, so it was hard to know what was nausea from the worms or the pregnancy.  Finally, around week 6 of the worms the diarrhea abated, but I found out the pregnancy didn’t take, so was still nauseous but waiting for the miscarriage.  Bowels started doing regular solid, just some soft ones thrown in.  Weight crept up to 156, and eating became productive.  Food choices expanded, and I started tolerating a little milk in my tea, bread, chocolate, most foods, still getting diarrhea from Chinese food and Indian food, but not much else.

Had a miscarriage just after Thanksgiving, and the neurological symptoms mysteriously improved.  Also started Celexa  and Ambien during the pregnancy, very slowly, and that solved the anxiety/insomnia issues.  Lost a lot of blood a few weeks after the miscarriage since one piece was left behind.  But it came out, and the miscarriage was over, no D&C with dreaded antibiotic shot required. (yeah!)

So, now?  156 pounds.  Need to do a blood and stool egg count, hopefully everything is fine. I’m probably anemic by my symptoms again.  The neurological stuff is vastly improved, and may be related to mineral deficiency.  (Am tolerating 400 mg. of magnesium glycinate; may up dose more if I can.)  I am eating most everything, especially too many sweets around the holidays.  My hair has all grown back in and is shiny and un-broken off.  I seem to have less grey hair.  I have lots of energy (well, since the miscarriage, this has fallen, but I need to build blood back.)  If I eat really well (mostly vegetables, meats, take my probiotics, etc.) I have mostly solid stools.  I have no intestinal pain.  I did have my ankles swell a few weeks ago after walking a long time, and one really hurt, but it’s normal now, so ?

So all in all, hookworms have been a huge improvement for me.  People tell me I look better than I ever have (my sister), and people who see me seldomly are saying the same thing.  I am actually looking ever-so-slightly plump, which is a first.  (Though I’d have to gain probably 20 more pounds to be truly plump.)  But my jeans are all too tight, but part of that was the pregnancy belly which is still there after all the cookies of Christmas.

It hasn’t been an easy or straightforward ride.  But losing them and losing efficay was pretty telling, then reinfecting and gaining efficacy again.  Obviously they work as long as enough of them are in me, alive.  And side effects are nothing to sneeze at, but tolerable.  The first time was by far the worst time.

I’m going to do another blood test this week, another egg count.  An incubation.  (First one was abandoned due to the miscarriage, so we’ll try again.) I don’t know when I’ll infect again, and whether or not I’ll try whipworms.  Right now, I am satisfied and am in the “good enough” faze.

I’m taking:  20 mg. of Celexa,  4 VSL# 3 capsules a day (2 morning/ 2 evening), magnesium 400 mg., and a multivitamin, kelp, and vitamin D. (7000 IU a day)  I keep forgetting to take my fish oil and evening primrose oil, but that’s supposed to be in there as well.  And Floradix for iron.

I am pleased so far.  Just wish I had been dosed once last year and had patience.  Each redose causes havoc, I have never dosed more than 10 at a time, but hookworms work.

Thank God I never needed Tysabri.

I am an artist, among other things, and I figured most people wouldn't appreciate a picture of the bloody placenta, so this drawing somehow captures the feeling post-miscarriage...

I always get from people, after explaining that I am using hookworms to control my Crohn’s disease, that I am very, very brave. I usually reply that it was scarier going to the oncology department of my local hospital and being hooked up to my first infusion of Remicade. Especially after almost dying from neutropenia caused by 6MP, after having tolerated it previously. There’s nothing like experts at UCSF shaking their heads, consulting with Cedars in LA and saying I was their first patient to react that way after doing fine with 6MP for years, and having been on it for months without issue. That was years ago, I’m sure there have been many cases since.

Kind of scews the whole percentage thing. I realized after that lovely episode that you either react to something or you don’t. It makes trying new things a little frightening.

And of course, I had a very unusual reaction to my first dose of 10 hookworms. First fever, increased diarrhea (though we’ll never know if it was a stomach flu I picked up on route to Tijuana, and all the disgusting bathrooms I had to stop at along the way.) Then, at week 3, I got edema in my ankles and such bad reactive arthritis that I could barely walk. I also had no medical support, as my doctor had never heard of using hookworms for IBD, and his parting words were, “Who knows what you’ll pick up in Mexico?” So I suffered in silence, getting through Christmas, the New Year, and being the first person to react so horribly to so few hookworms. I’m sure there’ll be many after me, again.

So what does this have to do with miscarriage? I finally had mine on Sunday night, and let me tell you, it is rough being a woman sometimes. It makes the edema and arthritis look easy in comparison. I’d been having a little blood and cramping the few days preceding it, so I knew a miscarriage was immenent, and an ultrasound a few weeks ago showed I never had a baby – I was the proud parent of a yolk sack and a fetal pole that had already started to dissolve.

So I started to bleed and put a pad in. We were ready – Recharge, even Gatorade on hand, lots of menstrual pads, and the phone number for the Ob/Gyn on call just in case. Neighbor’s car to borrow if needed. Mom staying in the RV.

First the contractions began, and they were contractions. I’ve had two children – natural childbirth, so I know contractions when I feel them, and these were 3 minutes apart, and about the severity of labor halfway to birth. I did the low aaaahhhs that helped me get through my second child, but finally gave in and took 3 Tylenol after my husband asked me, “why suffer?”

And then the bleeding began. And it was gushes of blood, no measly period like trickle. I had a towel under my butt in the bed, and a heating pad across my abdomen. It soon became apparent that I had crossed the “soak a pad in one hour go to the hospital” rule, and I started to shake and get nervous, since my last miscarriage ended up in the hospital, with a D&C that required an antibiotic in the IV that flared my Crohn’s, beginning the 3 year spiral into hell which resulted in me trying hookworms. I didn’t want to repeat that experience, and had already talked to the OB/GYN and said IF I needed a D&C I was going to take my chances and sign a waver, get no antibiotic, and if I ended up with a uterine infection, I’d deal with that later. I had almost fainted in the office when she discussed what could go wrong, so I wasn’t very brave about that option.

The bleeding got so bad I told my husband that we probably should just go to the hospital. But at that point, I felt a blob against my vagina, and got up to go to the bathroom.

“Holy shit!” my poor husband cried as blood spilled out onto the floor, across the hallway, marking a path as grissly as the CSI movies you see of someone stabbed to death. We joked later that the crime techs would pick up lots of splatter marks. I read too many murder mysteries.

The bathroom floor is painted an unfortunate white, and I continued to mark my path to the toilet. Like a horror show, I reached and pulled fetal tissue from my vagina, blood pouring down my hand, all down my legs, pooled into my soft “miscarriage socks” I had bought especially for the occasion. My husband brought a plastic container for the pieces of placenta, so we could bring them to the hospital if needed, or bury them under a newly planted bush if not. We like to put placentas under trees and have little ceremonies of life. We’re hippies that way, I guess.

My husband had called the doctor on call when the gushing had begun, and she talked to both of us, letting us know that if I wasn’t dizzy or passing out, and as long as the blood wasn’t continuous, that it was normal to have a lot of blood when the pieces were coming out, so I cleaned up as best I could, got the leftover Depends adult diapers I had from my bad Crohn’s episodes, and returned to the bed.

The process repeated itself several times, although this time I held the diaper under my vagina so I wouldn’t stain the freshly cleaned hallway. The trashcan quickly filled up with blood soaked diapers, as we had stopped with the underwear after several were stained and tossed in the sink for later washing. I made my husband come with me every bathroom trip, in case I fainted during the whole process. We had kept a heater going, so it was nice and warm. The plastic cup slowly filled up with disgusting pieces. At one point I took a shower and had to rinse off my legs and vagina, but as I was dripping a continuous bloody mess, it was hard to clean it up, and then the shower looked like a crime scene.

I finally stopped around 2 Am – about 4 hours of on and off goriness. I licked salt the whole time, drank lots of recharge, tried to drink Gatorade but I haven’t had corn syrup in over a decade, and it was disgusting. At one point I stopped for a bowl of yogurt and bananas to replenish. I have a homeopathic anti-anxiety pill that I kept putting under my tongue so I wouldn’t freak out that I was bleeding to death. It helped.

It took a while to go to sleep, my husband snoring at my side. The blood had died down somewhat, and I tried not to move. My diaper was uncomfortable, but I got used to that the months preceding hookworm infection.

The cramping has continued, like afterbirth pains. I’ve had to take tylenol every day and use my heating pad, since it hurts. My gut is a little unhappy being next to all of this action, but I’ve had some solid stools mixed in, just going more often, and I’m trying not to worry about it. I’m barely bleeding now, but feel like I’ve been through quite an ordeal. Tomorrow I do an ultrasound to make sure all of the tissue is out, and it better be out, is all I can say.

I think I traumatized my husband. Men don’t have to deal with blood every month. We’ve gone through so much together, between the horrible Crohn’s, the near fatal drug reactions, the hookworms. Two births. The real births were way less messy than a miscarriage, and we had a midwife who brought a level of competence to the whole situation. All he had to do was support me.

But I’m glad we didn’t go to the hospital. I’m relieved we made it through. I’m happy it happened after my girls went to bed, since I don’t really want to introduce the horrors of being a woman to them quite yet.

My daughter woke up and used the bathroom before I could warn her that there was plastic container full of bloody pieces on the counter. She said, “Oh, it’s no big deal, Mom. It’s much better than poo sitting on the counter. It doesn’t smell as bad.”

I’m raising such brave girls. This was just another Mommy ordeal, one in a series of strangeness that they accept as part of my life. I’ve done enough egg counts that they’re used to Mom playing with her stool. I show them the hookworm eggs under the microscope, enough times that they’re bored with the experience.

My God, though I’m glad that is over. I hope I never go through another miscarriage again. Getting infected with some measly hookworms seems like nothing.

The short list of suffering? My joints hurt. This time in my hands, hips, and ankles. My muscles are sore. And not from activity. My nerves hurt. At times they burn, other times just sore to the touch. I am slightly dizzy at times. My lips are tingling, hands and lower arms sometimes go numb. I’ve had terrible anxiety and depression, which caused insomnia, somewhat managed by Celexa and Ambien. Not sure whether to blame that on the worms or just the fear of the symptoms they cause, or just the hell of the last few years. Sometimes my head tingles. My muscles are twitching. All over, jumping around.

In February the nerve stuff got so bad that I went to a neurologist at UCSF who ran a brain MRI and nerve conductivity test. The good news, is they came back normal. I had had a bunch of iron shots then to correct longstanding iron deficiency, and I blamed the “neuropathy” on that, but this time, nothing has changed but new hookworms. The same thing happened last year, but I had a few iron shots then, so couldn’t be certain what was what.

I had a kind of similar thing happen a few months after being on LDN, but it was more acute and included a rash all across my bottom, so we concluded I had grown allergic to sulfasalazine which I was also on. I stopped the sulfa, but then flared and had to stop the LDN, so I never learned the cause. Later, I went back on LDN for a few months and it didn’t happen.

So I have to conclude these are all worm side effects. In the Spring, it slowly got better, but by summer I was still twitching and that’s when the anxiety began. But as the symptoms got better, the Crohn’s got worse. Last year, the symptoms completely resolved when I lost my worms.

So Crohn’s disease or nerve/muscle/arthritis weirdness? I truly am hoping it’s a temporary reaction and then the immune system settles into a comfortable happy medium. Throughout this year, my blood tests have been mostly normal; no markers of inflammation, so whatever is going on, if it is inflammatory, isn’t registering on the CRP and ESR scale.

Interesting that the House episode included tetany as one of his presenting symptoms, but I got scared watching that, and didn’t see past the first 10 minutes, and my husband forbids me to see the rest insisting I can’t get clues from a House episode, but wonder where the tetany as a symptom of liver worms came from?

One other patient with a host of autoimmune diseases is 3 months into his worm infection, and has similar side effects – he had just calf twitching and is now twitching all over, has bad joint pain, and some dizziness. I don’t know about the nerve issues.

This is one of the bad things about not going through a study. We have no idea of the numbers of responses, how often this occurs, or why.

I’ve had Crohn’s disease for 21+ years and have never had arthritis, nerve pain, muscle pain, or dizziness in my life. So I can’t attribute it to that. The only extra-intestinal manifestation I’ve had was a skin condition that happened once, after putting some chemical with skull and crossbones on my fingers, and I still have scars from it. erythema nodosum. I was a nanny in Ireland at the time and it took months to abate. That was lovely.

So it’s not all – take worms get better. Suffer temporarily. The suffering seems to come with each infection, and lasts for months. I’d kill the worms and see if it all goes away (as my Crohn’s worsens) but without a source, I don’t dare. And I’m 10 weeks in, with the hope it will abate in the next 2 months. I don’t want to start over.

Definately not a bed of roses.

And I’ve still got a lovely miscarriage in front of me, the bleeding of which has just gently started.

When do the good times begin? I ate Thanksgiving food at least, with real bread stuffing for once in a decade. But I still had gas.

The good news, hookworm and Crohn’s wise, is my stools are firming up nicely.  Unless it’s the pregnancy hormones, but  I’m hoping that the regression of the last few months was due to declining worm population or egg counts, and the worsening diarrhea the last few weeks has been from the new cohort.  It would be nice if it were so simple.  I dosed with 10 hookworms in February, and had very few side effects.  Was better by the second month, but still had diarrhea on and off, but felt a lot better.  At the end of summer, I had a noticeable regression, and my egg count went from a peak of 1050 epg to 800 epg, which may have just been the normal drop off point after 6 months.  I waited for the 6 week mark with this last batch, and my egg count over the weekend was 1550 epg, the highest yet.  I’ve been eating things that normally were a diarrhea guarantee – ceasar salad, tacos.  I’m having either solid or soft mounded stools.  I’m also finally tolerating a magnesium glycinate supplement in the evening, as well as a cal/mag supplement in the morning.  I’ve got some liquid cal/mag coming in the mail, so I hope the constant twitching in my various muscles slowly abates, because I’m sick of it.

Hoping the miscarriage is easy, and I don’t loose too much blood.  I had a miscarriage 5 years ago that I had to go to the ER for, and had a D&C which requires an antibiotic, which flared my Crohn’s and ended my one single year of remission I had had in a decade.  So I hope to do it without any intervention.

Still struggling with anxiety.  Knowing the FDA is involved with AIT is troubling, and having to incubate myself is not something I’m looking forward to.  We didn’t have time to do it over the weekend, so it is scheduled for this weekend’s project.  Hopefully it will work, as I feel very afraid without having a back up currently, especially if I need some kind of intervention with this miscarriage…

Too many things going on at once.  I want a simple life.

Had a little less anxiety last night; benedryl worked again to get me to sleep, and I got a good 8 hours.  I still feel like a nervous wreck, though.  Tried EMT (emotional freedom technique) but got nothing out of it.  Will have to try again.

At least the worms are still alive, though what they’re doing to help me right now I can’t say.  I did just get fitted for a bra, and I am a full cup size bigger than ever before, so weight-wise, they’ve improved that.  But emotionally, I am worse than I ever have been in my life, so…

Ah well.  I’m still alive, right?

Rash is itchy on and off – just a little.  Appetite still with me, no nausea.  Still craving foods I probably shouldn’t have.  Despite the multiple indulgences, I’m doing OK bowel-wise.  The pain seems to have lessened somewhat in the ilium.  I swing between small, solid stools to almost diarrhea.  Sometimes it starts out solid and is diarrhea by the end of the 3rd bowel movement.  I’m still going about 2-3 times in the morning, then mucus squirts in the afternoon – this is still increased, so obviously there is ongoing rectal inflammation.  I wonder at times if I should use enemas.

I caught the cold, just a little.  Slight sore throat, runny nose.  Might be why I’ve been extra tired.  The bone-settling fatigue has lifted somewhat – I had a good afternoon of energy 2 days ago, aided by much black tea, but I got a lot of physical work done, which was needed.

All in all, no great miracles.  Happiness is past.  I’ve entered the dark side of the month, which is the last 10 days before my period.  Hoping I don’t get a bout of insomnia and anxiety again – we’ll see how the worms prevent this.  My husband will be out of town too, which is miserable timing.

I wait and hope.  May do an egg count in a week to see if the new worms are stimulating the mature ones.  Should do a blood test as well.  Sigh.  We’ll see what the next week brings…